Idhar Udhar Ki Baat

  WHAT’S IN A NAME? Brig PS Gothra (Retd) " Chup bhen**d, " shouted my father-in-law in the middle of a tele conversation with me.  Before I could come out of the shock, he said, "Sorry, someone knocked on the door and Tipu started barking." I felt pity at my predicament as I knew the name of the dog was Buzzo. Buzzo is the third generation of dogs owned by my in-laws. The previous generations were named Tipu. But by their muscle memory they generally call their pet as Tipu. Except when I am around. It happened nearly thirty  years ago when the previous generation dog was alive. I got engaged. To the big discomfort of my mother-in-law their family realised that my nick name is also Tipu. A diktat was given by my mother-in-law, "everyone to call the dog by the name Tomy." A week later, I visited my in-law's place.  I found their dog totally confused and non responsive to anyone. This got me worried. I thought if their dog is like that, their d...

  IDHAR UDHAR KI BAAT -56 LITERARY SKILLS   Brig PS Gothra (Retd) "Where have you picked up writing fiction?" Asked a graceful lady at the party. As I was doing my soul searching to recall my writing experiences in fauj, another gentleman came and praised the beautiful gown worn by the lady. I was happy that I didn’t have to answer her question. As the conversation about the gown progressed, I moved towards the bar and started having my rum.  Colonel X, came to the bar and seeing the dark colour of my drink said, “ khichhi ja (have the liquor to your heart’s delight).” I just smiled and started thinking about what he said. Probably he thinks I am a heavy drinker. The word khichh in Punjabi means to pull. But it is used very loosely in different contexts. If a man is wiping his mouth and munching then he probably has khichh ditta ( he has had his food). Whereas if you see a person is washing his hands in the morning he has probably khichh ditta (relieved hi...

  IDHAR UDHAR KI BAAT 55 – BIAS AGAINST CHIKNI ANGREJI Brig PS Gothra (Retd) As our neighbour was relishing the breakfast, my grandmother asked the lady if she should prepare the breakfast for her husband and child also.  "No thanks Beji. My maid prepared bread omelette for them before they went to school and the office," said the lady. Mrs Jassi had shifted in our neighbourhood a month ago. I held her in very high esteem because of her flawless, fluent and smooth spoken English ( chikni angreji). "So, you could have also had breakfast prepared by your maid, rather than making me prepare the same bread and omelette for you?" Asked Beji. "Beji, to tell you frankly my maid is suffering from a severe cold."   And then the lady went on to add the details regarding misuse of dish towel by the maid. Beji gave her a nice dressing down for being so lethargic. It didn’t have any effect on her for she was requesting Beji for lunch also. That day I chan...

"I haven't had sex yet. God don't let me die. I am just 22 plus," I whispered my prayers to the God. I was in a 'stay behind party' where I was taking stock of the blunders I committed. In exuberance I had decided to keep myself with three other jawans hiding under the bushes in the abandoned LTTE camp in the jungles of Sri Lanka.  The first thing which went wrong was the radio communication with my two jawans hiding fifteen meters away. The batteries of their VM Mk 2A radio set had gone dead. During day we could communicate with hand signals but with the nightfall everything was left to chance. There was no worthwhile night vision device with us and we had to rely on our ears only. Sitting in the dark I was wondering that the man who wrote   procedure of attack across the ditch cum bund must have never   operated in the dark. Otherwise he wouldn’t have expected a breakout before first light. I remembered that the leader of the party who was to respond in ca...

  RAPE - HOW DO WE STOP IT ? A SUGGESTION “ Kutta, Haramzada where is Surjit? He assured me there was no need to use protection. Call him. I want to kill him,” shouted Rani in extreme pain in the next room as I had just gone to sleep. I thought it might be another of those theatrics of 'Lahorian da Mohalla ' similar to Balraj Singh, who shouted at the top of his voice for a major part of the evening. After half a bottle down his throat, he was shouting, " Kutteo Logo Ram Japo (dirty people, pray to God).” I was cursing my father for asking me to fetch something from my pind wala ghar , where I got stuck as the buses stopped plying after six during that time of disturbance in Punjab in the early eighties. Rani and her husband Surjit were living in one of the rooms of our house as tenants after they had eloped two years ago. The noise subsided and I slipped into my sleep. Half an hour later, I heard Rani scream. It was so shrill that it pierced through my heart. I ru...

  IDHAR UDHAR KI BAAT 53 – LONELINESS Brig PS Gothra (Retd)  "I know you through WhatsApp only. Whenever, I post a photo with my caption to you and all my family members. It is only you who appreciates and sometimes intimate corrections. But today you have not given any comments, I have been waiting for ten hours now," said Mr Singh who lives alone because all members of his family are abroad.  "No sir I had placed a thumbs up sign on your post. I always see a tremendous effort and thoughtfulness in the pictures and captions you send," I said while thinking that the pictures are always a little blurred as they are clicked with a shaky hand or there is always an autocorrect error in the caption. "I am eighty years old but when you post 'good' or 'great' on the pictures, I feel the thrill of a kindergartner getting a 'good' remark on his notebook from his/her teacher.' "I am happy sir it means so much to you." ...

IDHAR UDHAR KI BAAT 52 (SPARSH)     There is an old joke. A lovey dovey couple was traveling in Punjab Roadways Bus. Public display of affection was a big taboo those days. So as per plan the girl said, “I have a headache.” The boy said let me treat you and he leaned to kiss her on the forehead. She said, “I am fine.” So every five minutes the girl would come with a pain in some part of her body and the boy would make it vanish. At a point a man sitting in the rear seat taps the shoulder of the boy and asks, “Kaka tere kol bawasir da vi ilaj hai? (Son, can you treat piles also)      I don’t know why but every time I attempt doing something with SPARSH I am reminded of this old joke. Though the only and far off similarity I can see is that the Hindi meaning of SPARSH is touch. Or maybe in the back of my mind somewhere I feel that SPARSH was a treatment to the non-existent piles in the erstwhile system of pension disbursement.      I was am...