Idhar Udhar Ki Baat

  “The enemy across the line of control has fired at your posts. What are you going to do?” Asked my boss after the evening report. “Nothing as of now. I have not suffered any casualties. But I will reply at a suitable time and place,” I said. I was hoping that he is not thinking like my staff   that I had chickened out of. I was sure my staff must have already formed an opinion that the The Sardar talks tough, but when it matters, he holds back. . “Okay,” said my boss and ended the conversation. I knew he was one of those ‘chauri chhati wala boss’   broad-chested not just in physique, but in patience. I got busy passing instructions on what to be done. Accordingly at quarter past four in the morning our troops fired six grenades from the automatic grenade launcher   on the enemy’s yellow flag area (toilets). And all our boys got back under the cover of bunkers. After ten minutes the enemy was raining bullets and bombs at our posts. The firing continued for fif...

  Two fishermen stood by a river in full spate. It was dusk, and the fading light made visibility poor. Both men were excellent swimmers—confident, experienced, and perhaps a little too sure of themselves. One of them, Benji, suddenly pointed toward the middle of the river and said, “Look there… a blanket is floating. Can you fetch it?” The other, Donald, smirked with quiet arrogance, “In no time.” But before jumping he took a moment to announce on X that he was about to perform a daring feat. Then, without hesitation, he leapt into the raging river. At first, everything went exactly as expected. Donald cut through the water with strong, confident strokes, reached the so-called blanket, and grabbed it firmly. For a brief moment, it appeared that he would return just as easily. But then something changed. Instead of swimming back toward the bank, he began drifting along with the object. What had looked like a simple task was quickly turning into a struggle. Benji immediatel...

    Once upon a time, there was a lion in the jungle. Very powerful. Almost a hegemon . The other animals respected him—some out of fear, some out of habit.     The lion had an interesting system. He shared two “toilets” with the rest of the jungle. One was called NATU, where a group of sheep stayed. The other was called  GULF used by a bunch of white rabbits. Both sheep and rabbits considered themselves modern, progressive, and secure. But deep inside, they carried a quiet discomfort. Because after finishing his business, the lion would casually pick up one of them… and use it to clean himself like a toilet paper. It was humiliating. But it came with a guarantee—security. And security, in a dangerous jungle, often comes at a price.     In the jungle lived a fox. Clever. Extremely clever. The fox was under constant existential  threat. Survival for him was not comfortable—it was a daily struggle. He knew one thing very clearly: He cannot persuade ...

एक समय की बात है। जंगल में एक शेर रहता था। बहुत ताकतवर। लगभग जंगल का मालिक। बाकी जानवर उसे राजा मानते थे—कुछ डर से, कुछ मजबूरी से। शेर ने अपने लिए दो “टॉयलेट” बना रखे थे।   पहला था NATU , जहाँ भेड़ें रहती थीं। दूसरा था GULF सफेद खरगोशों वाला इलाका। दोनों ही समूह अपने आप को बहुत सभ्य और आधुनिक समझते थे। लेकिन अंदर से थोड़ा अपमानित भी महसूस करते थे। कारण? जब भी शेर अपना काम खत्म करता, तो कभी भेड़ को… कभी खरगोश को उठाकर टॉयलेट पेपर की तरह सफाई के लिए इस्तेमाल कर लेता। अपमान था… लेकिन सुरक्षा भी थी। इसलिए कोई कुछ नहीं कहता था। जंगल के दूसरे कोने में एक लोमड़ी रहती थी। बहुत चालाक। उस पर अस्तित्व का संकट था। उसे हमेशा लड़ते रहना पड़ता था। सीधे मुकाबले में वह जीत नहीं सकती थी। तो उसने सोचा, “सीधे नहीं… दिमाग से खेलना पड़ेगा।” उसी जंगल में एक साही भी रहता था। न ताकतवर… न तेज… न डरावना।ले किन एक खासियत थी— उसके शरीर पर काँटे थे। और वो काँटे… चुभते बहुत थे। एक दिन लोमड़ी ने देखा कि शेर “वेनेजुएला” नाम की किसी बोतल का नशा किए हुए है। थोड़ा बहका हुआ, थोड़ा आत्मविश्वास से भरा। लोमड़ी ने मौका द...

  “कौन सा नशा करते हैं ये गोरे ?” मैंने मन ही मन सोचा , जब मैंने पीटर नवरो को यह कहते सुना कि ब्राह्मण रूसी तेल से मुनाफाखोरी कर रहे हैं। मुझे हंसी भी आई… और थोड़ा तरस भी। ऐसी बातें वही करता है जिसने भारत को देखा तो है , पर समझा नहीं है। कागज़ पर भारत एक देश है। जमीन पर यह एक सभ्यता है—थोड़ी उलझी हुई , थोड़ी अनोखी , लेकिन बहुत टिकाऊ मज़बूत और लचीली । हो सकता है उन्होंने अपने पड़ोस—वेनेजुएला वगैरह—को समझ लिया हो। लेकिन एशिया कोई एक्सेल शीट नहीं है। यह एक सभ्यता है , एक सोच है , एक विश्वास और मान्यता   है। वियतनाम , अफगानिस्तान , ईरान , इराक—इतिहास भरा पड़ा है ऐसे उदाहरणों से , जहाँ बाहर वालों ने सोचा कि वे सब समझते हैं… और फिर उन्हें मुंह   की खानी पड़ी । हम भी कभी धोखा खा गए थे—ईस्ट इंडिया कंपनी से। कमज़ोरी से नहीं…बल्कि इसलिए कि हमारे यहाँ “मेहमान भगवान होता है”। लेकिन अब हालात बदल चुके हैं। आज गाँव का आदमी भी सुबह उठते ही मोबाइल खोलता है और व्हाट्सऐप पर ऐसी-ऐसी राजनीतिक समीक्षा करता है कि बड़े-बड़े एंकर पानी भरें। यह अव्यवस्था नहीं है… यह लोकतंत्र का देसी वर्जन ...

“Kon sa nasha karte hain yeh gore? (I wonder which dope these white people are on?)” I said to myself when I heard Peter Navarro remark that Brahmins are profiteering from Russian oil. Such statements are not arrogance. They are usually the result of half-knowledge applied with full confidence. They may have understood parts of Latin America. They may have influenced Venezuela. But Asia is not a spreadsheet. It is a civilisational system. Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iran—even Iraq—have already demonstrated what happens when outsiders underestimate belief systems and societal resilience. India was once fooled by the East India Company. Not because we were weak, but because we were too civilised—shishtachar came naturally to us. But that India is gone. Today, even a villager in the remotest area wakes up, checks his mobile, and starts his day by dissecting the sarpanch on WhatsApp. This is not indiscipline. This is awareness. We joke about Brahmins, but we respect them deeply. The...