Idhar Udhar Ki Baat

“Brigadier, what made your country so advanced in warfare?” asked the Presiding Judge. “My Lord, it began twenty years ago, during the Iran–US war.” The courtroom fell silent. “That war taught us two things. We had the national will to fight a powerful enemy. But if we competed in buying bigger military toys, our treasury would empty before his armoury.” “Toys?” asked the Defence Minister. “Tanks, guns, aircraft, ships, missiles. Every generation wants something bigger, faster and costlier.” “What changed?” “Drones. The sky became full of them. Like mosquitoes.” Justice Coconut instinctively slapped his neck. “Everybody wanted anti-drone weapons. Guns, missiles, even drones to kill drones. Unfortunately, the mosquito was often cheaper than the bullet.” “So you jammed them?” “We tried. But the same spectrum supported civilian communications, commerce and essential services.” “What did you do?” “Something extraordinary happened. Our politicians started thinking....

  Not very long ago, beside a very important sea, there was a very large desert. Three animals lived there: a rich Camel, sitting on more oil than water. A proud Persian Leopard , whose spots never changed. And a Fox , smaller than everybody else, but with sharp teeth and an even sharper brain. For years, the Camel and the Leopard fought each other. And the Fox slept peacefully. Then, one morning in March 2023, the Fox looked out and saw the Leopard was drinking tea with the Camel. A Panda had invited them both to Beijing , poured the tea himself, and made them shake hands. The Fox rang up his oldest friend, the Eagle across the ocean. “We have a problem. The Leopard has made peace.” There was a long pause. “Isn’t peace a good thing?” “Today the Leopard drinks tea with the Camel. Tomorrow the others will join them. And one day, they will make your dollars worthless.” The Eagle stopped smiling. Seven months later, on 7 October 2023, a Mongoose living just across the Fox’s fence at...

  As the court convened, the Principal Judge said, “ Brigadier , yesterday you promised us something about padding .”     “Yes, My Lord. I did. But I have decided not to tell that story. A lady heard about it and objected rather violently. She said it does not behove a retired Brigadier to tell sexist stories.”      Justice Ladyfinger shook her head. “This is 2047. Who is this regressive lady? If you remove all that, your stories will become insipid.”      “So today, instead of padding, I will tell you about deception . In September 2044, after its Defence Acquisition Planning Conference, the Republic of Kaddu announced that it was acquiring S-800 air-defence systems .”      The Defence Minister interrupted. “So what? We had the superior S-900 .”     “Exactly, Minister. You had the S-900. You also had nearly five times as many systems as Republic of Kaddu.”     Coconut leaned forward. “Then ho...

  “You may begin, Brigadier,” said the Presiding Judge. “Do you really believe they lack strategic thinking ? ” “Not at all, My Lord. Your military officers and bureaucrats are probably among the brightest young people in the country when they enter service. They are the chosen ones.” “Then what goes wrong?” “They forget   the objective. ” “Explain.” “Perhaps an anecdote will help. In 1984 about 63 years ago, I appeared for an entrance examination at a mass communication institute in the capital of my country New Delhi . Unfortunately, my seat was surrounded by young ladies wearing mini-skirts. I knew all the answers. Instead, I spent my time helping the girls around me. Naturally I failed.” The courtroom laughed. “A few years later, I found myself sitting in an ambush at midnight. The ground was wet. Mosquitoes were biting   and some ambitious insect had started crawling up my underwear. I couldn't even move to remove it without compromising the ambush.” ...