IDHAR UDHAR KI BAAT 146— THE NEON BRA STRATEGY Brig PS Gothra (Retd.)

 
“You are hereby sentenced to death,” said the Presiding Judge of the Court of the Republic of Banana. Somebody had to be blamed for the lost war. And as their foreign Security Adviser, I was the most convenient scapegoat.

“Do you wish to say anything?”

“Certainly, Your Honour. This is the first time since I was hired in September 2045 that anyone appears interested in hearing my views. You hired me because you believed India had done reasonably well in warfare during the previous decades.”

“Correct.”

“But you copied India’s shopping list and ignored its homework.”

The Defence Minister asked, “What do you mean?”

“You bought big ticket items assuming that victory would be home-delivered.”

The defence minister jumped up.

“Our military expenditure was the highest in our history!”

“Unfortunately, expenditure and effectiveness are not identical twins.”

The courtroom fell silent.

“After Operation Sindoor in 2025, India learnt something important—success also has an expiry date. Every successful weapon eventually meets a counter-weapon. Every successful strategy eventually invites a counter-strategy. Every successful tactic eventually becomes predictable. And every advantage eventually becomes somebody else’s target.”

“Give us an example,” ordered the Presiding Judge.

“A carrier battle group is magnificent. It is also difficult to hide. Satellites can watch it. It has logistics patterns, maintenance cycles and refuelling requirements. In warfare, predictability is simply another form of vulnerability. In Hormuz, we saw expensive naval platforms compelled to remain at stand-off distances from the threat. At some point, a magnificent warship standing far away and filling its sewage tanks begins to raise an uncomfortable question: is the platform controlling the sea, or is the threat controlling the platform?”

Justice Coconut interrupted, “What about tanks and aircraft?”

“Similar questions apply, My Lord. They were revolutionary platforms when they appeared. But warfare evolves. A platform that once provided an overwhelming advantage can gradually become more vulnerable, more expensive to protect and sometimes less economical for achieving the same effect.”

Justice Coconut leaned forward.

“Are you saying manned aircraft are useless?”

“No, My Lord. I am saying their relative utility has changed. Once long-range precision weapons, beyond-visual-range missiles, unmanned systems and persistent surveillance entered the battlefield, sending an expensive aircraft with an even more valuable human being inside it stopped being the only—or always the smartest—way of delivering an effect.”

“Then why do countries continue buying them?”

“Because, My Lord, institutions retire ideas much more reluctantly than they retire people.”

I continued.

“Entire doctrines, training establishments, careers and budgets grow around platforms. Changing a machine is easy. Changing the thinking built around that machine is considerably more difficult.”

The Defence Minister frowned.

“But surely sophisticated equipment demonstrates military power?”

“Certainly, Minister. It has another great advantage too.”

“What?”

“It photographs beautifully and it brings bigger kickbacks.”

The courtroom burst into laughter.

“And a new idea?” asked Justice Coconut.

“Usually looks terrible at an inauguration.”

Justice Ladyfinger was becoming restless.

“Brigadier, explain all this simply.”

“Certainly, My Lady. Fashion understands economy of effort better than most militaries.”

“Fashion?”

“Yes, My Lady. There was a time when displaying wealth and attracting attention required expensive silk, elaborate clothes and kilos of jewellery. Then fashion discovered that sometimes the same attention could be achieved with considerably less material.”

Justice Ladyfinger stared at me.

“Are you suggesting that wearing fewer clothes is a military doctrine?”

“Not at all, My Lady. I am suggesting that if the desired effect can be achieved with fewer resources, carrying extra weight merely because your ancestors did so is poor strategy.”

Justice Coconut said, “For once, he has a point.”

Encouraged, I continued.

“Take jewellery. At one time, a lady might require a necklace, bangles, earrings and several other ornaments to attract attention. Then came a backless or cleavage-revealing blouse. Considerably less investment. Considerably less weight. Sometimes considerably more effect.”

There was another round of laughter.

The Presiding Judge struck his gavel.

“Order! Order!”

I should have stopped.

Unfortunately, condemned men occasionally become overconfident.

“And fashion continued evolving, My Lord. Things once considered taboo became fashion statements. Even a visible bra strap, once considered an embarrassment, could become part of the design.”

Suddenly the courtroom became very quiet.

I looked towards Justice Ladyfinger. Then I understood why.

Her brightly coloured bra was visible beneath her transparent dress.

Justice Ladyfinger leaned towards the Presiding Judge and whispered something.

The gavel came down.

“Brigadier! For making unnecessary observations about ladies’ clothing, you are awarded five lashes. Marshals! Take him away. The court is adjourned until tomorrow.”

As the marshals escorted me towards the door, a reporter closed in. “Brigadier! What are you going to tell the court tomorrow?”

“Lady’s eyebrows.”